One week in, it seems like Quinn has always been a part of our lives. But it's still all so new, both to him and to us. He reveals more of himself every day, and it's so much fun to see what we'll learn about him each day.
The boy we have now is not the boy we met last Saturday. Looking back now, I can see that the poor kid was shell-shocked. He just retreated into himself, I think as the only way he knew how to cope. He wasn't ready to acknowledge us, much less look us right in the eyes.
Our first breakthrough was the discovery of the beloved mirror, which remains the can't-miss cheerer-upper. Since then it's been one tiny discovery after another, all of them amazing.
What we see now is a kid who is very mechanically oriented, with a killer sense of humor and near-perfect comic timing. He loves to entertain a crowd, but he's equally happy examining a toy to figure out what it does and how it works. We gave him a little Tonka truck this morning, and he immediately flipped it over and started spinning the wheels. He loves to be outside and wants to be on the go. If we stop to look at something, he starts fussing. He has a monster attention span, and will happily sit and play with his stacking cups - no exaggeration, I swear - for an hour. Getting ready in the morning is a breeze, bless this child. We wake up, snuggle for a while, have a bottle, and then he starts looking around for those stacking cups.
His injured shoulder seems to be fully functional, but he will do everything in his power NOT to use it. Hand him something on the right side, and he'll twist all the way around to grab it with his left hand. Whether it's out of habit or pain, we can't tell. But definitely a good amount of therapy awaits.
In short, my very unbiased opinion is that he's a spectacular, very special little boy. We're lucky to know him, much less to be his parents.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
A fond farewell to Beijing
In a couple of hours, after the Little Emperor wakes from his nap, we leave Beijing for Guangzhou in the south of China. That's where all international adoptions are processed, and loads of businesses there cater to adoptive families. I'm looking forward to it, but I have LOVED our stay in Beijing. This is, by far, the friendliest big city I've ever visited. And it could not be more baby friendly. On the subway yesterday heading to the Lama Temple, someone always gave me a seat - here, it's babies first. When Quinn got a little fussy, people gathered around to entertain him and laughed heartily when they saw him catch his reflection in the subway window and smile.
This place is huge and loud and the traffic is pretty daunting. But it's really a wonderful place. I'll definitely be back.
This place is huge and loud and the traffic is pretty daunting. But it's really a wonderful place. I'll definitely be back.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
We're smiling now!
Good news from the baby front: Quinn is now smiling at us (not just only at his reflection in the mirror!) and he's getting very good with the eye contact. He's looking right at me now, although he a bit of a Grumpy Gus after his nap. He is also starting to respond to his named, which has morphed from the western Quinn to the eastern version, Quinn-Quinn.
Hooray!
Hooray!
Friday, November 7, 2008
New families arrive
Today we went on a tour to the Great Wall of China with six families who have arrived to meet their children. They were excited and scared - I remember that combination!
It's funny to be considered someone who knows much of anything after only six days of hit-or-miss parenting choices, but I tried to share what I wish I had known last Saturday:
- Don't expect your child's development to match his chronological age. Quinn was 16 months old when we picked him up, but in many ways he's still a tiny baby. He couldn't push himself from a laying position to sitting up, couldn't pull himself up and needed us to do everything for him.
- The personality of the child you meet is not necessarily your child's personality. Quinn was so out of it when we met him, to the point that we were quite terrified. What I've learned from all of you is that these guys are going through so much change that they need something to hold onto that they can control. For Quinn, it was eye contact and reverting to bottle feeding only (we're told he ate quite well at the orphanage).
- Don't worry - at least not yet. Quinn showed so many alarming signs when we met him. A week later, they're mostly history.
- Just because your child did something in the orphanage doesn't mean he'll do it for you - at least not yet. Don't compare the child you see in person to the child you saw in his or her paperwork.
- Don't worry about those developmental milestones. I purposely decided to steer clear of the "What to Expect" books until I had Quinn home and adjusted. I'm so glad I did. To me he is a wonderful, funny, brilliant 17-month-old baby. What I don't know right now is definitely not hurting either one of us.
- Bond in whatever way your child is willing. Look for the signs and respond. Quinn is particularly open to us when he wakes up in the morning and after his nap. So we make sure our plans allow plenty of time for snuggles and hugs when he gets up.
It's funny to be considered someone who knows much of anything after only six days of hit-or-miss parenting choices, but I tried to share what I wish I had known last Saturday:
- Don't expect your child's development to match his chronological age. Quinn was 16 months old when we picked him up, but in many ways he's still a tiny baby. He couldn't push himself from a laying position to sitting up, couldn't pull himself up and needed us to do everything for him.
- The personality of the child you meet is not necessarily your child's personality. Quinn was so out of it when we met him, to the point that we were quite terrified. What I've learned from all of you is that these guys are going through so much change that they need something to hold onto that they can control. For Quinn, it was eye contact and reverting to bottle feeding only (we're told he ate quite well at the orphanage).
- Don't worry - at least not yet. Quinn showed so many alarming signs when we met him. A week later, they're mostly history.
- Just because your child did something in the orphanage doesn't mean he'll do it for you - at least not yet. Don't compare the child you see in person to the child you saw in his or her paperwork.
- Don't worry about those developmental milestones. I purposely decided to steer clear of the "What to Expect" books until I had Quinn home and adjusted. I'm so glad I did. To me he is a wonderful, funny, brilliant 17-month-old baby. What I don't know right now is definitely not hurting either one of us.
- Bond in whatever way your child is willing. Look for the signs and respond. Quinn is particularly open to us when he wakes up in the morning and after his nap. So we make sure our plans allow plenty of time for snuggles and hugs when he gets up.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
My ever-changing moods: the many faces of Quinn-Quinn
One thing we totally love about this kid is his vast range of emotions. They come fast and furious and you better look quick or he's on to the next one. Here are the faces of a single, 30-second diaper change:
The Chinese factor
We're noticing some interesting things regarding how our kids relate to Chinese people. When Quinn is approached or held by someone - actually, usually a crowd of someones - who is Chinese, he is thrilled beyond words, laughing, smiling and showing off something fierce. He comes back to us easily and actually interacts BETTER with us afterwards.
Anna, the beautiful, super-smart 2-year-old in our group, has just the opposite reaction. If a Chinese person interacts with her - either holding her or even coming up for a chat - she takes one big emotional step away from her Mama and Baba. She doesn't want to go back to them and it sometimes pushes her right into meltdown mode. Her spectacular mother Susan, who has become my mothering role model, is faced with a huge and difficult dilemma: People in China are so very friendly and LOVE kids. They are just genetically drawn to them and truly want to help us new parents adjust. How does she tell them, for Anna's sake, not to approach?
And why such different reactions? It's all a bit of a mystery. We're wondering how Quinn will react to groups of Americans, like relatives, when we get home. Same reaction? Something entirely different? We'll see...
Anna, the beautiful, super-smart 2-year-old in our group, has just the opposite reaction. If a Chinese person interacts with her - either holding her or even coming up for a chat - she takes one big emotional step away from her Mama and Baba. She doesn't want to go back to them and it sometimes pushes her right into meltdown mode. Her spectacular mother Susan, who has become my mothering role model, is faced with a huge and difficult dilemma: People in China are so very friendly and LOVE kids. They are just genetically drawn to them and truly want to help us new parents adjust. How does she tell them, for Anna's sake, not to approach?
And why such different reactions? It's all a bit of a mystery. We're wondering how Quinn will react to groups of Americans, like relatives, when we get home. Same reaction? Something entirely different? We'll see...
A miracle day
Today, Leah, our guide from Holt, offered to take us to the "finding place," the place where our children were found. For us it was a subway station on the outskirts of Beijing. Quinn was found at Exit B of the station, which is small and fairly quiet. I was so happy to have such a specific location and wanted to go there and take a picture so Quinn would have it. This is the picture I hoped for, and it alone would have fulfilled my expectations for the day:
As we took pictures, a crowd gathered around us. Quinn, who is a first-class ham, put on quite the show: He smiled, laughed and even stuck out his tongue and blew raspberries at the teaming masses:
While Quinn entertained the crowd, Leah asked the station guard if there might be anyone around who remembered the day Quinn was found. He didn't, but told us where to find the station director. She had only worked at the station for less than a year, so she didn't know anything either. But she took the time to coo at Quinn and pose for pictures with us:
She told us to ask at the police station inside the station, because that is where babies would have been taken. So off we went:
Within minutes, a guard walked up and greeted Leah very enthusiastically. He was there the day Quinn was found at the station, and remembers him well. He told us Quinn had been taken from the substation to the main police station for the area. And amazingly, he said there might be a file on Quinn there, maybe with pictures. Here is the guard:
We hopped into a cab and drove to the police station, where the commander was out front waiting for us with a big smile on her face. She had just gotten a call that we were on the way. Not only did they remember Quinn, she said, but they did, indeed, have pictures.
She quickly ushered us inside and into a small office. A young receptionist inside saw us walk in and she started pointed excitedly at Quinn and then at her computer. She motioned us to come behind her desk. And within seconds the big face of tiny Quinn, at five days old, filled her screen. Then she pulled up an amazing shot of his whole body, laying on a small bed covered in a blue-and-white blanket and wrapped in the white sheet and orange blanket he was found in. He had on no baby clothes, which I had been so sad to read when I first saw it on the updated child information we were given during orientation last Saturday.
As she scrolled through the document I saw a file and asked Leah if we could get a copy of the photos and the file. They said no to the file, but did agree to let Leah copy its contents - and download the photos onto a memory stick she happened to have with her, God bless her. Tom asked if we could take a picture in the police station, and the commander said we should take a picture with the officer who brought Quinn from the subway station. Wow. She made a call and within a couple of minutes in he walked, carrying a steaming bowl of noodle soup. He greeted Quinn and pointed to the adjacent room where he first brought Quinn. Tom peeked inside and was shocked to see the very same blue-and-white blanket still on the bed. Quinn was due for a diaper change anyway, so I asked if we could use the bed - which provided a perfect opportunity for a photo op: (the officer who picked up Quinn from the subway station and brought him to the subway station is below the picture of Quinn.)
As we left, after trying our best to express our deep gratitude, Leah shared with us the contents of Quinn's file. On June 14, 2007, at 9:35 a.m., a 40-year-old woman approached a guard at the subway station and told him she had noticed a bag. She led him to a large, zippered canvas duffle bag like the ones everyone in China carries and he heard noises coming from it. He rushed to the bag and unzipped it, to find a five-day-old baby - wrapped in a sheet and a blanket but with no other clothing - tucked inside. When he turned around, the woman was gone. She may have been Quinn's grandmother, meaning his birth mother may have been a teenager or young adult. Having a baby at 40 would be very unusual in China, and not being at all ready for it (Quinn had no clothes when he was dropped off) would be even more unusual considering how very familiar everyone in China is with the one-child policy.
Learning his story fills in some blanks, and raises some new questions. It makes sense that a young girl wouldn't have baby clothes, and it might explain the rare choice to give up a boy, which are treasured in China. I had assumed his birth mom was unable to raise a child with a birth injury, but instead, perhaps she was unable to parent because she was a child herself.
Here is Leah translating the file for us:
I can't describe how grateful we are for the indescribable gift of learning a bit about Quinn's history - and even having pictures of him on the day he was found. Leah was amazing today, and her determination, along with the willingness of person after person to to help us, was truly astonishing. This is a morning we will never, ever forget.
As she dropped us off at our hotel, Leah turned to us in the cab and said, "I think this was a miracle day, guys. It was." Man, did she get that one right.
As we took pictures, a crowd gathered around us. Quinn, who is a first-class ham, put on quite the show: He smiled, laughed and even stuck out his tongue and blew raspberries at the teaming masses:
While Quinn entertained the crowd, Leah asked the station guard if there might be anyone around who remembered the day Quinn was found. He didn't, but told us where to find the station director. She had only worked at the station for less than a year, so she didn't know anything either. But she took the time to coo at Quinn and pose for pictures with us:
She told us to ask at the police station inside the station, because that is where babies would have been taken. So off we went:
Within minutes, a guard walked up and greeted Leah very enthusiastically. He was there the day Quinn was found at the station, and remembers him well. He told us Quinn had been taken from the substation to the main police station for the area. And amazingly, he said there might be a file on Quinn there, maybe with pictures. Here is the guard:
We hopped into a cab and drove to the police station, where the commander was out front waiting for us with a big smile on her face. She had just gotten a call that we were on the way. Not only did they remember Quinn, she said, but they did, indeed, have pictures.
She quickly ushered us inside and into a small office. A young receptionist inside saw us walk in and she started pointed excitedly at Quinn and then at her computer. She motioned us to come behind her desk. And within seconds the big face of tiny Quinn, at five days old, filled her screen. Then she pulled up an amazing shot of his whole body, laying on a small bed covered in a blue-and-white blanket and wrapped in the white sheet and orange blanket he was found in. He had on no baby clothes, which I had been so sad to read when I first saw it on the updated child information we were given during orientation last Saturday.As she scrolled through the document I saw a file and asked Leah if we could get a copy of the photos and the file. They said no to the file, but did agree to let Leah copy its contents - and download the photos onto a memory stick she happened to have with her, God bless her. Tom asked if we could take a picture in the police station, and the commander said we should take a picture with the officer who brought Quinn from the subway station. Wow. She made a call and within a couple of minutes in he walked, carrying a steaming bowl of noodle soup. He greeted Quinn and pointed to the adjacent room where he first brought Quinn. Tom peeked inside and was shocked to see the very same blue-and-white blanket still on the bed. Quinn was due for a diaper change anyway, so I asked if we could use the bed - which provided a perfect opportunity for a photo op: (the officer who picked up Quinn from the subway station and brought him to the subway station is below the picture of Quinn.)
As we left, after trying our best to express our deep gratitude, Leah shared with us the contents of Quinn's file. On June 14, 2007, at 9:35 a.m., a 40-year-old woman approached a guard at the subway station and told him she had noticed a bag. She led him to a large, zippered canvas duffle bag like the ones everyone in China carries and he heard noises coming from it. He rushed to the bag and unzipped it, to find a five-day-old baby - wrapped in a sheet and a blanket but with no other clothing - tucked inside. When he turned around, the woman was gone. She may have been Quinn's grandmother, meaning his birth mother may have been a teenager or young adult. Having a baby at 40 would be very unusual in China, and not being at all ready for it (Quinn had no clothes when he was dropped off) would be even more unusual considering how very familiar everyone in China is with the one-child policy.Learning his story fills in some blanks, and raises some new questions. It makes sense that a young girl wouldn't have baby clothes, and it might explain the rare choice to give up a boy, which are treasured in China. I had assumed his birth mom was unable to raise a child with a birth injury, but instead, perhaps she was unable to parent because she was a child herself.
Here is Leah translating the file for us:
I can't describe how grateful we are for the indescribable gift of learning a bit about Quinn's history - and even having pictures of him on the day he was found. Leah was amazing today, and her determination, along with the willingness of person after person to to help us, was truly astonishing. This is a morning we will never, ever forget.As she dropped us off at our hotel, Leah turned to us in the cab and said, "I think this was a miracle day, guys. It was." Man, did she get that one right.
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