No, this didn't happen in 1950. It was today. In my home school district.

Special-needs kids were left outside an elementary school in the heat for two hours after their bus broke down. Why weren't they allowed inside? School officials feared the SN kids would disturb the NSN kids enjoying an air-conditioned after-school program inside.

Read it here. Unbelievable.

The long and somewhat desperate search for the right kindergarten fit

Holy cow, what an ordeal it has been. But we finally chose a kindergarten for Quinn. We visited public schools, private schools, charter schools, a Chinese immersion school, and ultimately we decided to keep him in the same school he attended last year, which goes through kindergarten.

It is not as academically rigorous as others, but the teacher has taught kinder at that school for 29 years. She is unflappable and a strong believer in structure in the classroom, both of which are ideal for Quinn. And best of all, at the parents' meeting last spring she said her goal was not for kids to leave her class reading or writing above grade level, but that by the end of the year they all love to learn. Sold.

We're a week in now, and so far, so good. Ms. Kathy seems unfazed by the whirlwind that is Quinn. And her rigid classroom structure has kept him from spinning out of control as has been the case so many times in the past. We're hopeful, but also a bit nervous - in his last two schools, it was in Week 3 that it all went south.

Please join us in holding your breath and hoping for the best.

Up next, the search for the ideal first-grade classroom...

No, you're not alone

I keep connecting with adoptive parents who are struggling with their kids' delays, trauma symptoms attachment issues — and they think they're the only one. So much of the adoption literature, listservs and blogosphere acknowledge that there may be issues early on, but indicate they'll be short-lived and easy to deal with. And so many agencies help would-be parents choose minor, correctable special needs without making sure they understand that lack of stimulation, neglect or abuse in those first few months or years can cause pervasive and lasting challenges for kids.

In the last week two parents I've connected with have asked me to return to blogging, and to sharing the truth about adopting a kiddo who does not catch up as we're led to expect.

So I've decided to give it a try. I hope you'll come along with me.

Happy New Year from our family to yours!

Books about boys - help me build my list!

A mom in one of my Yahoos groups asked about adoption books for boys. They are hard to find, but not impossible. And there are plenty of gender-neutral choices out there.

Here are my favorites:

A Mother for Choco, by Keiko Kasza
My all-time favorite adoption book. It's the story of a bird - a BOY bird! - who is lonely because he has no mom but everyone he asks says they can't be his mom because they don't look alike. Finally a bear asks him to be her son and says their looks don't matter because she can give him hugs and dance with him and feed him pie. Lovely, lovely story with funny illustrations that always make kids laugh.

Through Moon and Stars and Night Skies, By Ann TurnerAn oldie but goodie. And it's about A BOY!! It follows his journey to his new family and features him telling his own story, which is super sweet. Don't miss the illustration of him being driven home - basically sitting on a basket on the front seat!! My son noticed that one right away. :-)

Sesame Street's We're Different, We're the Same AND I Don't Have Your Eyes by Carrie Kitze
Both feature boys and girls and have the same great thread - we may look different on the outside, but we share traits and we share love.

I Am a T. Rex from the Dinosaur Train TV show
Buddy the T. Rex is adopted into a family of Pterandons. From the PBS Kids show of the same name, this is Buddy's birth story.

Let's Talk About It: Adoption by Fred Rogers.Yes, a Mister Rogers book. And other than the fashions and hairstyles, it's shockingly current. It features all sorts of families and talks about why kids are adopted. Deals very sensitively with some thorny issues surrounding adoption.

The Family Book by Todd ParrVery simple and geared toward little kids, but it's so fun and colorful that kids much older still enjoy it. It just simply shows ALL kinds of families., from adoptive to single-parent to gay parents to inter-racial. Also some funny stuff mixed in like families that all have the same hairstyle - even the pets.

Disney's TarzanThe classic tale of the by raised by gorillas. Just make sure you read the copy before you choose one. Some of them have some not so great wording, like 'real mother.'

The Red Thread: An Adoption Fairy Tale by Grace LinA king and queen go in search of the red thread pulling at their hearts and end up finding a baby in China. The last page shows the baby to be a girl, but until then it's pretty gender-neutral.

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee CurtisMy second-favorite adoption book. A little girl tells the story of her adoption - but there is nothing "girly" about it. Only the cover and the last page shows a girl. And all the text could be about a boy or a girl. Sample page: "Tell me again abut the first night you were my daddy and you told my about baseball being the perfect game, like your daddy told you." At first I thought this book didn't apply to us because it's about a domestic adoption at birth, but now this is exactly how my son tells his own adoption story. "Mama, were you so excited to meet me that you wore the wrong color socks?" "Did I poop for the first time at the Temple of Heaven?" I LOVE this book.

Letter of Love from China by Bonnie CuzzolinoAgain, there's a girl on the cover and the last page, but that's it. This book is really wonderful as it's written by a birth mother in China. It's very sensitively done and assuring to a child, at least in my opinion. And as an added bonus, there's something so soothing about the word choice and syntax that - just like Goodnight Moon used to do - it puts my son straight to sleep.

Do you have any to add to my list???

Happy Halloween!

At long last, a connection

Until now, guys like this have been Quinn's favorite friends

Even at five years and four months, Quinn has still been stuck in the parallel play phase. He doesn't mind kids, but he shows no real interest in them, either.

This summer we had him in two social skills groups, and they seemed to make a bit of difference. We also tried some play dates, which mostly involved him playing with other kids' toys - or talking to their moms.

But lately he's been showing some interest in other kids. Unfortunately, he's showing it by stealing their toys and screaming at them to chase him as he runs away. But hey, we moms of special-needs kids take progress where we find it. And to me, this is progress. Even so, Quinn and I have talked quite a bit in the last week about other ways to get kids to play. He can say, "Can I play with that when you're done with it?" or "Can I play with you?" or "Would you like to play tag?"

And then... a massive leap forward.

After school one day last week, Quinn walked up to a little girl sitting on a wall and asked her, "What are you doing?" When she didn't answer he asked again. She still didn't answer, so he got on the wall too and started sliding away from her - and she followed him! I told him to tell her his name, which he did, and they started little-kid chatting away. I was just about crying I was so happy.

Then yesterday after Chinese school, he walked up to a little girl he knows (he's gone to her house to play with her toys!) and said, "Let's play tag!" She was too shy to respond, but her little brother wasn't, and pretty soon there was a rowdy game of three-way tag going on around us.

So many times I've watched Quinn play on his own as friendships form all around him and wondered if he'd ever connect. And now, at last, I see signs that he's doing just that.

It's a good day.