Look at me, kid!

I got up at 4 a.m. today and looked up symptoms of autism. Quinn is doing better every day, but it's still a challenge to get him to look at us, except when he's having a bottle, and he still doesn't respond to our voices.

I was somewhat relived by what I found. Eye contact and not responding are signs, and he does do some repetitive behaviors, but usually just three or four head rocks or slams and always when he's playing. The other symptoms he does not show at all.

The minute Quinn woke up this morning he was better. He looked right at me, gazed at me all the way through feeding time and laughed WAY more than on previous days.

We're seeing our pediatrician a couple of days after we get home. I won't worry about it until then - although Tom and I started a new game today where we get on either side of Quinn and one of us calls him until he looks us in the eye, then the other. Quinn seems to enjoy it, and it certainly makes us feel we're doing all we can to reach him.

To share or not to share?

When we took our first adoption class nearly three years ago, the teacher suggested that when we get our children we don't let anyone hold them or touch them for three months, to facilitate bonding. We've heard many varying opinions since then, and in the end decided to play it by ear. If Quinn was having trouble bonding to us, we wouldn't let anyone else hold him. If he was adjusting well, we'd loosen up a bit, but we'd be the ones to do all the need- meeting, like feeding, changing diapers, etc.

When it was time to decide, it turned out to be pretty easy for us. When we went for our adoption interview yesterday, the orphanage manager who gave Quinn to us was there. She was so happy to see him but did not ask to hold him. I am so grateful to her for the good care Quinn got, and wanted her to know that. So when she came over to greet him after the interview, I offered, and she took him for a quick chat. He was perfectly comfortable with it, and came back to us easily when she handed him over. Today, we went to the Olympic Village and he became an instant celebrity. People wanted to pose with him and hold him for pictures. He was thrilled, and laughed gleefully through the whole thing. Afterwards was the most animated he's been with us - super happy and lots of smiles. So he obviously wasn't traumatized and it didn't seem to set him back a bit.

He seems to know already that no matter what goes on at the party, when it's time to leave he goes home with us.

Thanks for your help and advice

I want you all to know how much your ideas, advice and support are helping me. I read and appreciate every one of your comments, and I'm acting on them. Thank you - please keep the advice coming!!!!!!

Boy, am I handsome

It's fun watching Quinn's personality and preferences appear. His negative preferences are easy - he literally pushes away a bottle when he's done with it or when we offer him something he doesn't want. His positive preferences are tricker, and much cuter. When he likes something, he closes his eyes and smiles broadly. If it's really awesome, he laughs to boot. It's impossibly cute. One things ALWAYS elicits this reaction: a glimpse of the Little Emperor himself in a mirror. Thankfully, there are LOTS of mirrors in Beijing - in our hotel lobby, in just about every elevator, in reflective windows. All of them make him, and us, tremendously happy.

Eye contact

Our biggest fear with Quinn so far has been an almost total lack of eye contact with us. He notices everything about the world around him but just doesn't want to zone in to us. Adriana posted a comment yesterday encouraging us to require eye contact in order to get his bottle, and it helped immediately. Boy, was he made the first time we tried it this morning! But he figured out the system very quickly. And just 12 hours later, he was giving us unsolicited, sustained eye contact - not a ton of it, mind you, but the difference is noticeable. Thank you, Adriana!!

Mourning

Quinn has definitely entered his mourning phase. Both at his nap yesterday and overnight he cried in his sleep. Not an angry or needy cry, but a low, mournful, heartbreaking wail. It's so sad. I know that's a good thing and it means he was, indeed, bonded to his nannies. But seeing his little face and hearing him cry is just devastating. Hopefully he'll move into his next, happier phase soon.

Thank you for reading!!

I am completely loving reading your comments - thanks to you all!

Some comments and answers:

- Melanie, Quinn's bracial plexus injury will definitely require substantial therapy but is far less severe that we had been led to believe. He cannot push himself up from a nap yet, which is obviously because he won't use that arm. But when he's on his tummy he pushes himself up with that injured right arm just fine. He prefers to turn his hand over and push up with the back of his hand, but when I turn his hand over for him he pushes up properly without difficulty or pain. His shoulder and elbow move normally with manipulation, but he prefers not to use them if he can get away with it. Handing him stuff from the right - a tip from a physical therapist friend - is already helping.

- Sarah, I love the name Quinn too, obviously! We were stumped about what to name our boy because we had been collecting girl names for two years. Then I saw a TV reporter with that name and it just clicked. Perfect! Also, thanks for the photo posting tip - I tried it with the last post, and it was much easier than what I was doing before.

- Lavonne, the emperor continues to speak. The orphanage workers made it clear that he only sleeps in a quiet, dark room. It wasn't until today that I wondered, what quiet, dark room is there in an orphanage??? He must have been snoozing in someone's office or something!

- Kathy, yes, we're in Beijing, and loving it. We like big cities, so we're having a great time exploring the place and taking in the crowds. Our guide took us to a super-crowded Super Wal-Mart today and even though we're Target people we had a lot of fun navigating that aisles. Got some super-cute traditional Chinese outfits, two pairs of squeaky shoes and a bunch of baby gear for about $75. Gotta love that!

- Heidi, you're a genius. The stacking cups were the cheapest thing we brought for Quinn, and they're BY FAR the biggest hit. (Second most popular is the fabric tag that I forgot to cut off a book.) For proof, check out the photos with the next post.

- Shannon, I'd love to connect. I don't know anyone in Tucson with a baby from China - just older kids. My e-mail address is jspitz@azstarnet.com. But I'm not checking e-mails there until the end of November!