My SPD toolbox

Quinn's sensory-seeking (part of his sensory-processing disorder) is the one thing about him that can really cause him problems. He craves deep pressure when he gets wound up, and that can lead to some problematic behaviors like leaning hard on kids, running across the room and banging right into them rather than stopping, and driving his chin into the dog's back. He might stomp on the ground during circle time, spin out of control when he is supposed to be sitting down or run through a shop or restaurant with little regard for who might be in his way. Taking him out can be a breeze, or it can be scary as heck.

We've been in lots of therapy, with four different occupational therapists. And in case your kiddo is in the same boat, I thought I'd share what's working for us:

First, some tools :

- A core disk. This works so well with Quinn that if I walk into preschool without it the teacher looks visibly nervous and asks hopefully, "Did you bring his cushion?" So we try never to forget it. His teachers use it during circle time, but also carry it into the church for worship time with other classes or into the audotorium for group activities. Something about sitting on this thing calms Quinn tremendously and helps him to sit still.

- A weighted vest. This is a tricky one. The vest definitely helps ground Quinn. But for some inexplicable reason, every time it's on he will only talk with teeth clenched. So we only use it at times when we really, really need for him to stay calm.

- A chewie. I bought a cute necklace from a company called Chewlry with a silver-dollar-sized disc to bite. Quinn won't wear the necklace - it comes off it you pull it hard, and he can't resist doing that -- so I carry it in my purse and it's always there when we need it.

- A backpack (on his back). The heavier the better. Deep pressure to go!

Next, some techniques:

- Engine check: This awesome technique was suggested by one of his OTs. When he starts winding up - and with practice I can spot this earlier and earlier - I get down to his eye level and say, "Quinn, your engine is running too fast. What would help it to slow down?" Often times he will tell me what he needs - a bear hug, to push on the wall, deep pressure on his shoulders, to chom on the chewie. If he doesn't tell me what he needs I list the above things - "would you like a bear hug? do you need to bit on your chewie?" - and he chooses.

- Move the wall: This one came from his really excellent school OT, who one day saw me trying desperately to sign him into school with one hand while attempting a death grip on his arm with the other hand so he wouldn't bolt.  If I need him to stand still like in line at the bank - which is REALLY hard for him - is I ask him to push really, really hard against the wall and try to make it move. It keeps him still, is instant deep pressure and calms him very quickly.

- Don't pop her bubble: Quinn was getting into a lot of trouble at his private school for getting in kids' faces, poking toward their eye, leaning on them, etc. So the OT from his public school (the same one referenced above) suggested that we tell him that everyone has a bubble around him or her, and he should not pop anyone's bubble (except for Mama's, Baba's and Nana's) without asking. Wow, does he get this one. The day after I introduced the technique, he ended up at the bottom of a pile of kids, with his friend Nicole on top. Out popped his little head and he shouted, "Nicole popped my bubble!"
He initiates this technique more than any other.

- Being loud in a whisper: The louder and more out of control he gets, the softer I talk to him. Yelling or traditional discipline just seems to fire him up. Talking soft gets his attention and helps calm him down.

Do all these techniques work all the time? Heck, no. But knowing I have all these options has helped me feel more confident when we go out, which I think Quinn can sense. In short, I'm not expert on sensory-processing disorder (not yet, anyway!) but these things have helped me, and I hope they can help someone else, too!

Has anyone tried 23andMe?

I've seen some posts on Quinn's orphanage listserv recently about families that have done DNA testing on their kids through this company. The results sound incredibly detailed, and have been hugely informative and comforting to the teens who have gotten them. One girl from his orphanage turned out to be Thai and Vietnamese, only slightly Chinese, and another turned out to be of mixed heritage as well.

Quinn has brownish-black hair and some kinda westernized features, so I've always wondered if he is fully Chinese or of a mixed heritage. I think I'll take a swab and find out.

The report also includes some medical information, although I'm not clear on exactly what that means, and the company can connect you with blood relatives who have signed up.

Has anyone tried this? If so, what did you think of the results? Did you sign up for the monthly service or pay all at once?

Two-year post surgical checkup

We're in Boston for our annual visit with Dr. Peter Waters, who did a truly masterful job on the tendon transfer surgery that corrected Quinn's brachial plexus injury two years ago. Last year's visit was a nightmare, with Quinn uncharacteristically crying, hiding behind the curtain, spinning wildly (well, that one wasn't so uncharacteristic...) and refusing to be touched. Only the following day did his clueless parents realize that we had not prepared him for the visit, and the poor boy was terrified we were in town for another surgery. Duh.

So this year, LOTS of preparation. And a much better result, hallelujah. He raised his arms when he was supposed to, reached for the toy monkey when he was supposed to and generally did what they wanted him to do. And this was through three different visits - one with the OT, one with a fellow of Dr. Waters and one with Dr. Waters himself. We were very proud of our brave little patient. Despite all our preparation, through, he was quiet and solemn all day. Some fears are just hard to shake, I guess.

As for the doctor's report, he said Quinn's surgery was about as successful as it could have been. His range of motion and use of his arm (which was almost not useable pre-surgery) is at the top of what's possible. His only real deficit is strength, so the OT gave us some good ideas, like lifting balls overhead, having him hand heavy things up to me when we're emptying the dishwasher, etc.

Unfortunately, Dr. Waters said Quinn is doing so well he was lifting any limitations he had placed on him, meaning the ban on football evaporated before my eyes. But when he was the horror on my face, he said he would reinstate the ban just for me and would happily let me blame him for it. Whew!

What to Expect When You're... Comparing Your Kid to Others

Quinn will turn 5 next week (!!). In anticipation, I got an email from Fisher-Price suggesting some things my 5-year-old might like based on 11 ways that they're sure he plays now.

I chucked the "What to Expect in the Toddler Years" book long ago, about the time I forced myself to stop watching other kids at the playground and noticing all the things they were doing that Quinn wasn't.

But it's been a while. So I read the 11 things he's obviously doing, according to Fisher-Price. And you know what? He is doing five of them. All things considered, I see that as a triumph -- both for Quinn, who for so long was not meeting practically any milestones no matter how basic, and for me, who used to worry myself silly with silly comparisons.

I tell people all the time that I've come to believe Quinn is on HIS schedule, and no one else's. I'm glad to prove to myself that I actually believe it!

Thank you for your comments!!

After a long drought, comments have returned. And for that I am most grateful.

I get traffic numbers every day and see that people are reading, but rarely commenting. It's hard putting stuff out there and not knowing if people find it meaningful or helpful or wrong-minded (I am certainly open to people who disagree with me!) So I sincerely appreciate anyone who takes the time to leave a comment.

If you'd like to offer me ideas on how to make the blog better, I'd love to hear them. And if you'd rather email me than leave a comment, the address is jspitz at azstarnet.com

Finally, an Old McDonald's visit that doesn't depress me

Quinn loves visiting the playland at "Old McDonald's," as he calls it. For me, each visit is a new level of sadness. There was the baby Quinn suddenly and without warning knocked down, causing everyone who saw it to gasp in unison. The time I heard screaming from inside the play structure - not Quinn's, but I instinctively knew who was causing it -- and high-tailed it up the slide to find out I was right. The grandfather who glared at us for a good 20 minutes, even as he was leaving, because he mistakenly thought Quinn had bumped his beloved angel while he was spinning. The place seems to exacerbate Quinn's sensory-seeking nature in ways that looks a lot like serious disciplinary problems.

And that's not the worst of it. Each time we visit we watch kids make friends and play together. Other than when things go south, Quinn generally doesn't even acknowledge any other children. Finally, it's cute to watch kids make it to the top of the play structure and then holler or wave down at their parents. Quinn gets up there and does his own thing, in his own world, until we tell him it's time to go or the food has arrived.

It reached the point where we stopped going about six months ago. And then this morning, with my husband out of town and me looking to run down Quinn's battery before his final assembly and performance at Chinese School, he asked if we could go to Old McDonald's.

So we did.

And what a difference.

First, he scampered to the top and yelled down to me. Then he stuck his face against the inside of a bubble-shaped window and hollered at me, "Are you inside the bubble?" After a bit a little girl and her grandma came in to eat breakfast, but Grandma wanted to leave before the girl got to play. Quinn watched her the whole time and then asked, "Is the little girl not going to play?" Later on he asked, "Is a kid going to come play?" He actually noticed kids, and he wanted to play with them!

To another parent, this was hardly anything. To me, it was everything.

Well, this is cool

Do some shopping in May at any of these 58 cool-looking sites and they'll give 10 percent to the Sparrow Fund, which helps kids in orphanages and helps fund adoptions.