Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Compare and contrast

I have accepted that Quinn is on his own time table, and I'm almost always okay with that. So why is it so hard not to compare him to other kids? If I hear a kid chatting in a full conversation or see one who can hardly walk, I take every opportunity to find out how old that kid is and compare him or her to Quinn.

This weekend we went to a 3-year-old's birthday party. Most of the kids are in daycare together, and most are quite verbal. Quinn did really well and definitely kept us with them. The girls talked circles around the boys, but he didn't seem that behind the boys to me. Today Quinn had his first group speech/occupational therapy session - it will be with three 3-year-olds, but today it was just Quinn and one other boy. He had a far more sophisticated vocabulary than Quinn does, but a host of other issues.

I've tended to stay away from a lot of events with other kids, because I was a bit afraid of being confronted with how far behind Quinn is. I've had a couple instances with neighbors bragging about how their 1-year-olds are doing things Quinn isn't doing yet, and it's hard not to feel bad when that happens.

But I got through both of these events this week. I can get through more. It's clear that interaction with other kids is good for him, and that he needs more of it. And I'm ready for that.

Quinn is behind in some ways. On track in others. Ahead in some. I know that's the same of all kids. But I wonder if all parents obsessively compare the way I do, and the way I've seen other parents of SN kids do.

Actually, probably so.


China Dreams said...

Quinn will learn much faster if he learns from other kids. They're just the best teachers.

Good luck with the therapy, and Happy Thanksgiving!

jamiedevrede said...

I agree with China Dreams..
especially when the other kid is a littlebit older like one year older..

Good luck! And Happy Thanksgiving!

Agorafobie betekenis

Jill said...

Thanks to both of you! I've decided to stick with the group speech therapy class, and to seek out other social interactions. I was thinking about how far Quinn has come since the beginning of the school year, and it's pretty obvious that, like both of you said, he is definitely benefitting from being around the other kids. I'm just not around to see those interactions, since it's in school.

josieandthepussycats said...

hey, just stumbled across your blog, such a cool story!

I am currently studying to be an OT in New Zealand, so I find Quins story very interesting, it is also good to hear an in depth family perspective, im use to only reading medical notes etc

Knowing how the family is handling the re-hab/post op/condition, as home life and family support is an important part of recovery
So thank you for the insight! : D

Al the best with your darling boy!

Joanna B said...

I do the exact same thing, and I hate that I do it. I want to be happy for how well my daughter is actually doing, but it's hard not to compare her to where she should be.