Sunday, October 26, 2008

Worries, and relief

Tom and I were lucky enough to have breakfast Friday with a child psychologist who just published his 35th (!!) book on parenting. Tom photographs his author portraits, so he arranged a meeting.

I had read one of this books for new parents and had TONS of questions.
I agree that kids should sleep in their own rooms, but what about newly adopted kids? Won't Quinn feel abandoned once again if he wakes up and we're not there? I agree that withholding attention is a good way to stop a tantrum - if your behavior doesn't get you what you want, why bother? - but is that realistic with a kid just out of an orphanage? I agree that parents need to show their kids they're always there for them, but that doesn't mean meeting every need exactly when, where and how the kid wants it met. But isn't that different for a kid who has never been able to rely on anyone to meet any need?

So I wrote up my list of questions and fired them off. An hour later I had some good strategies under my belt. Some of the things I read elsewhere were confirmed - like using a baby carrier to force as much physical contact as possible to facilitate bonding. And some things I had worried about were disspelled. I was left with one overriding message: Relax. Enjoy it. I'm going to be a mom - that's cause for celebration!! If the worst happens, deal with it. But don't wait for it. Expect the best.

Okay. Deep breath. Relax.


Blessed Family said...

I hope you have a wonderful time in China! I just got back a month ago and I wish I had it to do all over again. It goes so fast. Don't worry about the bonding it will come... our little guy is doing great. Best of luck! Cherrios worked great for bonding! (and stacking cups!). Have a wondeful trip! Heidi Z

Shannon said...

Hi There! I just saw your post on APC and was excited to see you are from Tucson. My husband, Doug and I are logged in 3-13-06 and are from Tucson as well. Thanks for sharing your blog. I look forward to following your journey. I am sure it will be a trip of a lifetime!


Elizabeth said...

Hi, saw your message on the China Boys group and am looking forward to following your story. We're finishing up our homestudy and we can't wait to find our little boy!!! Have a wonderful trip!

Melissa said...

Hi There - I just saw your post on the Beijing children website and I am thrilled to follow your journey to your son!!! Have a wonderful time, and I cannot wait to see pictures. We are waiting for our LOA for our 19 month old son too in Beijing! Best of luck to you! Melissa