Saturday, April 18, 2009

Too good to be true?

Before we met Quinn, I read a lot about attachment and bonding. I prepared myself for grieving, trauma and the real possibility that Quinn would reject one of us for a while. Our second night with him, once he seemed to realize we weren't visitors who were going to take him back home to the orphanage, he did grieve. He whimpered in his sleep all night long. He refused to make eye contact with us for about the first five days. And he was VERY slow with unsolicited smiles, which we really didn't see for a couple of months.

He is behind developmentally and sees a battery of specialists. But in terms of bonding and attachment, we have seen no issues at all. He is affectionate, prefers us to all other people, takes direction, and is happy, happy, happy. A few months back there was a discussion in one of the Yahoo groups about how problems could materialize months or even years later. It was in regards to older children, but lately I've been wondering if the same is true for little guys. Quinn was 16 months old when we met him, but still very much an infant. We have watched him progress and really flourish, but I can't help but think sometimes: Are we out of the woods? Or could an attachment issue still rear its ugly head?

3 comments:

Phil and Sherry said...

There can still be issues. In our adoption group, our kids were adopted at the oldest ages of 22 months and 5 years. Even the kids adopted at less than one year have issues. Sometimes the group meetings are discussions of where they are with those issues.

Suz said...

There can be issues that raise their ugly heads months and years down the line, but for the moment celebrate! And enjoy your boy. Keep aware of what to look for but maybe that is one issue you have dodged. Congrats!
Suz

Jonathan said...

Thanks to you both. I've asked for THREE books on the subject for Mother's Day, so I'll read up, be prepared and stop worrying (about this topic, anyway...)