Sunday, November 2, 2008

When do the worries stop?

Quinn is a busy boy who takes in everything around him, especially lights overhead. He's much more interested in his surroundings at this point than in the people around him, and he fixates on one thing after another. I can't help but worry: autism?

At a playground today he is so overwhelmed he won't focus on anything. So I worry: Vision impairment? Mental retardation? Social disorder?

All day today he sucked on his middle and ring fingers and sometimes he slams his head backwards. And so I worry: troubling self-stimulation behaviors?

At 16 months old, he can't push himself to a sitting position but he can sit up just fine if plopped down that way. So I worry: Irreversible developmental delays?

After a day with us, he doesn't seem to be attaching himself to either of us and he has yet to smile. And so my big fear takes root: reactive attachment disorder?

And then, hallelujah, he sees himself in a mirror. He points. He smiles. He bounces. He plays peek-a-boo with the handsome boy in the glass. He looks into my eyes to make sure I'm a part of the fun. He looks to Tom. He starts starting right into our eyes. The fun continues right on through dinner and into bathtime, where he splashes in the water and laughs that wonderful, uproarious baby belly laugh.

I hug my boy tight, and he melts right into me. For tonight at least, no more worries.


4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Johanna,
Quinn is just gorgeous. I am loving being able to follow your journey as my husband and I are just beginning ours. We are finishing up our homestudy and plan to look at files of special needs boys once we are logged in. I do have a bio son (who turned 2 on Halloween) and can tell you as a parent in general, adoptive or not, hold on tight, because there will always be worries like this. But the good and the fun will always outweigh them. So glad that you finally have your precious boy!!! Congratulations!

Elizabeth said...

Jill,
I just realized that I called you Johanna--SORRY!! I am following 2 families who are in China to pick up boys right now and the other new mom is Johanna. But all of my comments DID apply to you and Quinn! Sorry about that, and good luck!
Elizabeth

Mell said...

Jill,
He is the cutest little guy! I know that first smile melted your heart! You will never forget that first smile. Sophie also loved the mirror and we really began to see her personality when she looked at herself. So funny!
I have been researching brachial plexus injury since we received our referral in the spring of 2007. There are obviously different levels of severity & from what I can tell about you just by reading your posts, I have NO DOUBT you will also become an expert.
I look forward to reading more as I follow your journey!
Sincerely,
Melanie

Steph said...

thank you.

I hope to one day be ready to adopt a child! This is a great read! Nice photos, too!